God Knows

Well, a MILLION things have happened since my last post... 

...the most disappointing being that I had not received a phone call from Ash since my birthday. 

...the best? oh boy! where to begin!?

Sometime late last week, I felt a deep urge to get together with a bunch of ladies to PRAY. I emailed our battalion chaplain's wife-- Charlene-- also leader of my Tuesday morning Bible Study, which I LOVE!  We talked about it over email over the weekend and decided we would open it to the entire brigade and really, anyone who wants to come.  Tuesday morning at Bible Study we talked about it some more and, dear Charlene, how I love her... informed me that she has been feeling God telling her to pass the torch to me, that this weekly prayer meeting is to be, as Charlene put it, "your baby." So, I am now the coordinator and leader and point of contact for Wednesday Night Prayer at the N. Ft. Chapel. YIKES!!!! I can not tell you how excited I am... but at the same time, SO SCARED! 

You see, this is funny... God has a good sense of humor. This last week in Bible Study, we were talking about getting out of our comfort zone and following God wherever he leads us. Well, God is leading me SO far out of my comfort zone!!! (And might I add, I JUST started getting comfortable!) I am not the biggest "stand-up-and-pray-in-front-of-everyone-and-lead-a-big-group-of-who-knows-how-many-people-in-a-weekly-prayer-meeting" kind of person. The thought of it is rather intimidating... but I am following God's lead and diving in deep! I have no idea how this will go... all I can do is give it to God. So please pray for me! For boldness and courage! Pray that God uses this prayer time to draw his people closer to him and to protect our guys. 

Unfortunately, our guys REALLY need all the prayer they can get. The down side to awesome Tuesday Bible study this week and technology? Receiving FRG casualty notifications instantly sent to your cell phone. Three more KIA.

(if you're quiet enough, you might be able to hear my heart actually break every time I so much as think that acronym... I sure feel it...)

So, another day shot. 

I spent the afternoon with Amy and the Dave-inator and Amy made me some really yummy tortellini. :) Until I decided I really actually had things I needed to do... I needed a black dress for today's memorial service (more heart break) and needed to buy some things to get ready for tomorrow nights "Coffee Coffee" and wanted to find some cards to send to the families of our fallen heroes (something I had been avoiding out of dread...) 

So, to Marshalls I went... where I found a super great dress. :) Made the excursion a little more worth while...

Then to Walmart... because nothing else was open... where I cried in the card aisle for about 20minutes trying to find the right one... even though not a single card was going to make those families feel any better... (heart break)

Then home again and to bed... only, I just laid in bed until about 3am because I COULD NOT SLEEP. (too much heartbreak in one day) I missed my husband. My heart was hurting for the families who's soldiers would not be coming home. And there was nothing I could do about it.  Talk about burning the candle... on three ends? 

I prayed. A lot. And then finally fell asleep. 

BUT GOD KNOWS!!!!! 

God knew that I was nearing the end of my rope! And he had my wonderful husband call me!!!!! 

(*sigh of relief*)

I was revived. :) I could now start my day! I had lots more to do... Costco trip for more "Coffee Coffee" items, Memorial Service for the first two KIA (heart break), dog park, baking, buffalo drawing... the list goes on. 

On my way to Costco to get things for the "Coffee Coffee", I stopped at Starbucks to get some... you guessed it, coffee! :) Instead of my regular, "non-fat Venti iced coffee with honey" I decided to go with a "non-fat Venti iced LATTE with honey." And the WONDERFUL starbucks guy added an extra shot of espresso for free and EVEN stirred in the honey!!! (a small detail which the starbucks people always seem to overlook) Then on to Costco... blah blah blah... we all know how that goes...

Then, the Memorial service. (heart break) I'm glad I went... but it sure was hard... After seeing the pictures, I realized that I had met them both. Multiple times. Durango would run up to them while they were on staff duty and they would hug him and wrestle... both soldiers were in Ash's platoon when he was a platoon leader. (heart break) And now, they are gone. (heart break) 

The rest of the day I really just kept myself busy with lots of different things that need to be done... thinking about how grateful I am for my husband and for phone calls and that God knows me soooo well that he knows EXACTLY what I need at the EXACT moment that I need it most. 

Tomorrow = "Coffee Coffee!!!"